dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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