He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
