this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
