yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
