i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
