I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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