Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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