I'm eating all of the evidence.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
