lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
