if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
