id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
