I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
