you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
