i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
