im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
soo... how was my night?
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