Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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