just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
