I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
