You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
