last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
