Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
