Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
