Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if only i could text you this smell
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
