how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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