His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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