All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
