somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
