Michael Bay diarrhea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
