Barsexuality is the new black.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize