if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
