i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
