I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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