I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize