dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
