I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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