am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
