Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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