i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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