how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
