did you get engaged???
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
