my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
