Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
