chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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