"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
