Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
