8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
