K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
