it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
