I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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