I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
