Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
