I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
