Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
