Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
