His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
