Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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