Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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