everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
