So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
