Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
