I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize