they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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