i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
