"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
