don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
