I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
