Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
