This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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