How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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