I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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