Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
