Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
