Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
