...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
