Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize