I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
