Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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