I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
