I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
