In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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