I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
