thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize