it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
