don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
