And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
