at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
