Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
