Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
