i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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