I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
