Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize