dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
