Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
