Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize