do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
