He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
