you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
