I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
